


Shame

by fluffmachiato



Category: Disney - All Media Types, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Parent Quirin (Disney), Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lol enjoy, Panic Attacks, Poor Varian, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, and i already suck at tags, but only this one, give him a hug, haha dont judge, he just a sad gay child help him, im so dark, no hating on quirin in the future, sorry this is my first fic, varian needs a therapist get him one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28691382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffmachiato/pseuds/fluffmachiato
Summary: Varian has a secret.  One that he has kept for a very long time.  One night, he tells that secret to two people.  Overnight, it somehow spreads, and Varian has to deal with the aftermath.Basically the plot is anxiety sucks, lots of people are jerks, Quirin is an asshole, and Varian is a depressed gay child.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian, Lance Strongbow & Varian, Quirin & Varian (Disney), Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46





	1. VARIAN

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Major anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, and an unfortunate suicide attempt.  
> Sorry for all the hard stuff. This is my first fanfic and it might not turn out very well, so lets hope that I do at least a little bit of a good job. Hehe. Also, if any of you all are wondering, I don't ship Varian with anyone, so if you're coming for a ship, I'm sorry about that I'll do a ship next fic. So, I'm open to any suggestions, so comment down below if you have any suggestions or feedback. Thanks and I hope you enjoy it!

Varian closed his eyes, hoping the thoughts would go away.

 _You promised! You promised!!_ His own voice echoed in his head. Then Cassandra’s voice trumped his own. _Is that what you think I am?_ No, that’s not what I think you are, he thought. _Wither and Decay...End this Destiny…_ more and more thoughts scrambled into his mind, and the more he thought, the more anxious he became.

_VARIAN!!!_

Varian woke up with a start. _What time is it?_ he thought. Well, he had to get up some time. So he decided to get it over with. As he planted his feet on the ground, he noticed the clock by his bed for the first time. _What the fuck_ _!_ Oh no.

It was 5:00 in the evening.

How long had he been sleeping? He couldn’t even remember getting up at all that day. Soon Eugene was gonna be calling him to come to-

“Varian! Dinner!”

Well there it was. Dinner.

He was so used to it by now he could dance around and point to the door right as Eugene said his first word. But he didn’t feel like doing that. That thought used to make him laugh, but he didn’t really feel like laughing these days. Mostly he just sat around in his lab, and only came out to have dinner with Rapunzel and Eugene. He didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. He was always so anxious when he talked to people, that maybe his secret would slip out of his mouth. 

Oh yeah, the secret. 

Varian didn’t want to think about it. He knew he couldn’t tell anyone. They would hate him more than they already do now. He would be an outcast, someone people would stare at and threaten even if he was just walking through town. The only thing was, Rapunzel had seemed so worried, and Eugene was finding more ways to talk to him than he ever had. I mean, Varian really wanted to talk back. He was completely obsessed with Eugene. That’s what he didn’t want to tell them. His obsession came in a _very_ different form than people would expect. It felt like he was practically in love with him! Which he kind of was. 

_Shit._

The thing was, he started noticing boys more. He started thinking about them more. He felt wrong though, because he always saw a man and a woman, a boy and a girl. What if a boy liked a boy? A girl liked a girl? What would happen to them? As far as he knew, he didn’t see anyone like that in Corona. He was afraid that if his secret got out, oh the things that would happen to him. 

That started the anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sOrRy my chapters are so short aAaAaH 
> 
> Thanks and I hope you like it so far!


	2. RAPUNZEL

“What’s taking them so long?” Rapunzel said to herself. 

She had really started to worry about Varian recently. He hadn’t been showing up to any social events. He didn’t even go to the expo, which worried Rapunzel. He _always_ went to the expo, and always visited his dad. Now he doesn’t, and Rapunzel’s been getting concerned.

Suddenly, Eugene burst in. 

“I’m baaaaaack!”

“Is Varian with you?”

“No, he’s still in his lab. The new one, I mean. In the castle.”

“I get it, Eugene.”

This was getting awkward. Why didn’t Varian come for dinner? He always comes when Eugene calls him. Should she go check on him herself?

Rapunzel voiced her concern out loud. “Why didn’t he come? Is he alright?”

“He’s fine, he just said he’d be a minute. Probably working on some magic project to give the castle solar power or something.”

Rapunzel internally let out a sigh of relief. “Well, that makes sense.” she replied. 

“Yeah. We probably should start eating. Though, Varian didn’t really seem all that great when I called him. He was all pale like he hadn’t eaten in weeks and his hair was like, super unruly.”

Oh no. This was exactly what Rapunzel was scared of before Eugene got here. 

“Oh? Should I check on him?” she asked.

“Come on, Blondie, I’m starving. Let’s just eat. He’ll be here in a minute.”

“Okay, whatever you say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRRRY This chapter is so short I'm really sorry I'll do better next chapter y'all! Haha...anyway hope you enjoyed and I hope you keep going!


	3. VARIAN

Varian let out a shaky breath, one he had been holding for about 2 minutes while Eugene called him. He started taking more deep breaths, with Ruddiger squeaking in the backround.  _ Ok, calm down,  _ he thought,  _ I’ll have to tell them soon, might as well get it over with. _

He started towards the door, only to stop in his tracks. Was Varian really about to do this? He was suddenly overcome with all sorts of fear.  _ Get it out, get it out!  _ he commanded himself. Again, he started the deep breaths.

As soon as he calmed down, he headed for the door again. As he pushed open the door, he hesitated. Was Eugene waiting out there to scare him? When Varian thought this, he chuckled to himself. He remembered every single time Eugene did that. Every time, Varian jumped like ten feet high. Eugene actually did it more often now, since Varian had been keeping to himself lately. 

No matter, no matter, he thought. He was starving, so maybe it was time to get something to eat. Finally.

When he got to the doorway of the dining room, Varian paused. He could see Rapunzel and Eugene already at the table. Rapunzel hadn’t touched a morsel, but Eugene was wolfing down potatoes like he was late for work or something. Internally, Varian was laughing out loud at the scene he was witnessing.

At last, he swatted his hair out of his eyes and stepped into the room.

“Hey.” he said.

“Oh hey Varian!” Rapunzel practically yelled.

“Hi. Heh. Guys, listen, I-”

“How’s work in the lab? What project are you working on? Have you slept okay?”

So many questions aaaaaaaah.

“Oh! Uh, nOtHiNg-”

Oh god.

Varian’s voice cracked. 

He could tell they heard it too. Rapunzel inquisitively raised her eyebrows at him. Eugene, well, lets just say he was definitely not expecting it. He genuinely looked confused as he froze, his fork halfway through it’s journey to his mouth.

Lets just say Varian got stared down because he was nervous. 

As he sat down, he finished his sentence: “-really.” He desperately searched the vast expanse that was his mind for distractions.

“Mmm this food is delicious.”

That was all he could come up with.

Oh, how he inwardly cursed himself. He had just used the worst subject changing phrase covered in chocolate sauce with a cherry on top. Yes, Varian was now questioning his own intelligence.

“Is there anything you want to tell us, Varian?”

He froze.

Did they know?

Surely they didn’t, they couldn’t know! He had been hiding his secret well enough, he thought. Maybe it’s just a conversation starter? Oh no oh no oh no.

Varian was doomed.

“Well, I- uh, well, it’s just- maybe- not…”

Rapunzel did her eyebrow thing again. It got him every time.

Varian groaned. “Fine. Yes.” he muttered.

“What is it?” she inquired.

“Uh, I… can’t tell you that.”

Man. He had just ruined his legit only chance to tell them anything. What was that about questioning his intelligence?

“Maybe I should-”

“Sit down.”

Oh wow. Had Rapunzel ever been this strict? She was never like this.  _ She must be desperate,  _ he thought. He hadn’t even realized he was standing up. That was freaky.

He did as he was told, not wanting to get into any trouble. 

“Well, now that everyone has eaten, I suggest we have a little talk. Varian? What did you want to tell us?”

She was not giving up, was she.

“I told you, I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’d hate me.”

Now Varian was rolling. He couldn’t control his words anymore. They just came out before he had the chance to even think about them. What would his mouth do next?

“You’d hate me, and everyone else would hate me even more. And my dad, oh, he’d wish he didn’t have me as a son.”

That was when the tears started coming. He couldn’t help it. Let them fall. Let them fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a work in progress right now, and I'm working on the other chapters because there are a whole lot of chapters. So thanks and I hope you enjoyed it!


	4. RAPUNZEL

Rapunzel felt helpless, staring at the sobbing Varian at the dinner table.

He was sitting there with his head down, crying. He hadn’t touched his food, and his hair was sticking up every which way. Rapunzel didn’t know what to do, and she didn’t want Varian to be upset all night. Luckily, she had Eugene. 

“Hey, kiddo, it’s ok. We love you no matter what.” Eugene stepped in. Thank goodness he said something, or it would’ve been silent for a while. Rapunzel felt like she had to do something, so she put her hand on Varian’s back. He tensed at her touch, but soon he seemed to relax. So she kept it there. 

After a while of silence, Varian raised his head. His face was red from crying and you could see the tear stains on his face. “Can I-can I tell you?” he whispered. “Of course you can, Varian. You can tell us anything.” the princess whispered back. “O-ok.” Varian answered.

Rapunzel did not expect what was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much!!! Sorry all my chapters are so short. The only ones that are going to be decently longer are from Varian's point of view, so the other people won't have as long chapters as the one and only. But don't worry, they'll get longer! So thanks and hope you enjoyed!!!


	5. VARIAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A PANIC ATTACK SO TRIGGER WARNING FOR YOU GUYS It's at the very end so you can at least enjoy the chapter for a little bit hehe.
> 
> Anyways enjoyeeeeeee

“I like boys”

There. He said it.

“So then, you’re gay?”

Oh come on Eugene. Can’t you read a room? As if reading Varian’s mind, Rapunzel elbowed Eugene in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

Oh, the karma.

“Now what do you think of me?” Varian said.

Silence.

“I knew it. I knew you would all hate me. Now I’m-gonna be alone-”

“We would never hate you, Varian.”

So, Rapunzel deciding to step up, eh?

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m not. You’re part of our family, and family doesn’t hate each other. Like whoever the heck you want! So long as you keep being Varian, our little scientist-”

“Alchemist.” Varian corrected.

“That’s the spirit! Come on, you must be tired. We’ll take you to your room.”

“I’m fifteen, not five!” Varian piped in. In fact, he was pretty tired. He also planned on visiting his old lab tomorrow. And his dad. There were so many things Varian was going to do tomorrow! But right now, bed.

He got into bed, and reflected on the evening. Oh. Good. God. He just did that. He felt sooooo much better now. Now he wasn’t going to be anxious anymore. _Please don’t tell anyone,_ he thought. If Rapunzel or Eugene told anyone, _anyone_ , then Varian would be in for so much trouble.

~~~~~

Varian woke up, refreshed. Today he was actually going to leave the castle! He checked the time. 8:45. Great. He didn’t wake up in the middle of the evening again. He slipped out of bed, ready for the day. Maybe his father wouldn’t hate him? After last night, he felt more enthusiastic about what would happen today.

Varian sat down at breakfast feeling quite confident. He finished before Eugene, which surprised everyone. After breakfast, the trio discussed the day. 

Eugene went first. “Alright. I know I’m going into Old Corona Market. And Varian…”

“I’m going to check on my old lab and visit my dad.” Varian answered.

“Okay. Got it. We might cross paths!”

“Maybe.” Varian said.

“And Blondie?” Eugene asked.

“Oh, I’ll just be moping around, doing nothing.” Rapunzel joked.

Varian laughed. He hadn’t laughed, in like, forever! But it felt good. It felt really good. 

“You know I’m just kidding,” Rapunzel told them, “I’ll find something to do here.”

“If you say so…” Eugene joked back. It was nice to hear them joking. Well, maybe they had been joking, but Varian wasn’t there to hear it. After all, they hadn’t locked themselves in a room for two months. That was Varian’s job. Haha.

He finally waved farewell to the castle and headed towards his lab. Now that Varian was alone, he could actually think straight. Lots of thoughts came rushing to his head all at once. It was painful.

_What if my dad hates me?_

_What if he hurts me?_

_What if I have an attack right in front of him?_

Varian actually had to stop and breathe just to calm himself down. He didn’t want to think about his anxiety. He had been having frequent panic attacks lately, and Rapunzel had needed to help him control himself. But Rapunzel wasn’t going to be there if Varian had a meltdown in front of his dad. What would he do? _Let’s just get on with it,_ he told himself. Plus, he was in the middle of the Old Corona marketplace now. He didn’t want people staring, and thinking Varian was more of a freak than he already was.

All calmed down, ready to roll, Varian started down the street, only to stop _again_. This time, though, he heard a familiar name.

“...having trouble, try Quirin’s parts. He has all the stuff you need I’ll bet.”

Varian crouched behind a market stall. He didn’t recognise the person’s voice, but they were talking about his dad! He had to listen.

“Sounds good, I’ll try it.” another voice said. So there were two people. 

“Speaking of Quirin, have you heard about his son?”

Oh.

No.

“No, what about him?”

“People are saying he’s a dyke, but Quirin doesn’t know yet. Someone ought to tell him eventually.”

Hold up.

What the heck was a dyke?

Varian was very confused.

“He’s a dyke? The boy who kept destroying the town with his stupid experiments?”

“Yeah. I think his name’s, like, Varitos or something.” the first one said.

_Varian,_ he muttered to himself. They were correct. But what was a dyke? It didn’t sound good to Varian.

“Oh oh oh I know who you’re talking about. You’re saying he’s a fag?”

Um… what were these words? Were they like, foreign language?

The first one spoke up again. “Yes, I told you. He is a dyke, a fag, a homosexual, a fucking gay. Did I not make myself clear enough?”

Double

Oh

No

This was

Not 

Good.

Varian didn’t know the first two words, but he sure knew the last ones. His head started to spin. The whole world started to spin. He could feel himself start to breathe a lot faster. His chest was tightening. His heart raced. 

He was having a panic attack.

Varian couldn’t control the sobs that came. They closed his throat, so it was hard to breathe the million breaths he was taking. He suddenly felt someone take his shoulders, and lean him up against something. They were yelling things, but Varian couldn’t hear. All he could hear was his breath and his sobs and all of his mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and more chapters are coming!!!!!!


	6. EUGENE

He was walking through town when he saw it. The skinny little teenager with messy black hair and a plethora of freckles and all the other traits that confirmed for Eugene who this was. Except-

Varian was leaning against an abandoned market stall looking like he was about to pass out.

This was not how he wanted to cross paths with the kid. He ran towards the stall, blind of everything else but Varian. He grabbed the teen by the shoulders and shook him. All the boy did was continue to shake and breathe rapidly. 

Oh.

Rapunzel had told him about Varian’s panic attacks. He had even been there to witness one. She also taught him how to end them. He started to, but realized it was no use doing it in public. Eugene eventually just grabbed Varian and carried him towards his lab. All the while, he was shushing him and telling him to breathe, breathe, breathe. 

  
  


As soon as the lab was in view, Eugene started running even faster. He didn’t want to be responsible for Varian passing out. He pushed open the door, and slammed it shut behind him. He carefully placed Varian down on the table, but the boy didn’t stop shaking.

“Come on, kid, breathe!” Eugene pleaded. “Don’t do this to me Hairstripe, just breathe!”

Varian finally started to slow down his breathing and he stopped shaking. He started murmuring stuff that made no sense.

“Varian! Fuck, kid, you almost gave me a heart attack!”

The boy just stared straight ahead.

“Varian? Come on, kid. Talk to me. What happened out there?” 

“My dad…”

“Your dad? What did he do?”

“They were talking about him. Talking about _me_.”

Eugene gave Varian a puzzled look. “They were talking about you? What about you could they possibly be talking about?”

“My secret. They know. They all do.”

“Your secret? Hairstripe, what are you-”

“Who did you tell?”

“Varian-”

“ _Who did you tell?!_ ” Varian yelled. He was now crying, and Eugene didn’t know how to get him to feel better.

“No one, no one, I swear. Varian, you gotta calm down. I didn’t tell anyone your secret. You know I wouldn’t. Alright?”

Just then, Varian pulled him into a bear hug, and started sobbing into Eugene’s shoulder.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay bud, it’s okay.”

“No! It’s not okay! Everyone knows! How can anything be okay?”

“Because, you’re with me, and nothing will happen to you. Alright kid? Team Awesome?”

“Can you stay? Here with me? Please don’t leave.”

Eugene contemplated this. “Well, kid, you have to go see your dad, and I have to get food, so I unfortunately can’t stay here. But you gotta face your dad. You have to. Just let go of all your worries, and everything will be okay. I promise.”

Varian hesitantly nodded. “Alright. I’m okay.”

“Okay. Then I’ll go. See you, kid.” Eugene said as he started to close the lab door.

“See ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter...  
> Thanks so much for reading! I only had time to add one chapter because I'm busy with school and stuff, so yaaaa
> 
> lol
> 
> Anyway, thanks for taking the time out of your day to read my rushed writing, and hope you have a great day!


End file.
